Huge Blow Out...

Tonight there was this huge fight. It was awful. My dad just won't own up to all the shit he's put us through. He won't. But i'm not going to act like i'm all innocent either. I've just sat there while my mom and sister have taken the heat. I don't know what's wrong but I just can't seem to say anything to him. I can't. I've played it over in my mind millions of times how i'm going to get my point of view of this whole thing across, but I can't. I freeze. I mean, i'm not afraid of him. Not any more. But i just can't seem to get one word out. And of course my sis left tonight to go to a friend's house so i'm stuck here with all the awkwardness. I'm just so dumbfounded any of this is going on. It doesn't need to be. I still feel so trapped and alone but I can't express it anywhere else. I don't see Kyla that often anymore and a phone call with Julia can never be private without someone asking or trying to listen in. I act so fine with this whole thing just to try to be strong for my mom and sister, but deep down i'm crushed. I want to cry all the time and scream my head off but I can't. There's no where to go.