Kyla...

Well I got to hang out with kyla today. It was fun. I had to walk there -.-, but w.e lol. We got there and we had to go to the bank, library and then the store. But, yah. then we went to her grandparents house and played on the Wii and stuff. I totally rocked at tennis xP. Even though I kind of tied with them, i still rock lol. But yah. We had pizza and stuff. But, of course, now at night and im at home, my mom comes in and tells me im grounded because i went to nicole's without permission and im like why?! we talked about this and i thought u understood why i chose to do that. And she's like well thats all i hear your dad complainging about. My dad keeps going to my mom bitching about how im not in trouble. I swear he's looking for something to get pissed at me for! The bastard. Fuck him. Mom and I had the nicest conversation and she understood why I did what I did. Permission or not, my best friend was missing for days. I searched for ever for her. And now that I hear she's back, fuck you im making sure she's ok. So w.e.

Permission or No Permission...

Well, obviously I went and say Nicole earlier. Well, I thought I was clear free, because i never even asked to go. But I got home b4 my parents and everything and then, my mom noticed i called the home phone. Stupid stupid me. Well my dad got pissed and me, started yelling at me and honestly i couldnt care less. Yell all you want dad. My best friend was missing, I was making sure she was ok, so go fuck urself. Yup. My mom is ok because we had a long talk and she understands but my dad, never! He doesn't have one ounce of sympathy in him. He's a cold, selfish, apathetic man. But i dont care. My mom was mad at me too there for a second. But, i mean, come on! I was searching for hours last night for nicole. she's my best friend.

Well, It's All Kind If Resolved...

Well, last night was fun... NOT. No one saw nicole since friday and no one could get a hold of her. I was scared to death. I searched for over 2 hours and asked all of these random people that I think know her and shit. But she was found. And im at her house now. And, well apparently she was with a friend. But she's home. And when i got here the cops came and it wasnt that long that they were here. But im just so relieved that shes safe.

Even More Family Problems...

Well yesterday was hell. After everything with Jamie coming down and stuff, my mom and dad got in an argument. And then  my dad was pissed and needed someone to take his anger out on. me. of course im not gonna take that shit anymore. Screw him, this is my life. But in the middle of me talking to madison through the webcam, so she can hear all of it, he comes in my room, starts screaming at me because im on my laptop, and he just said some heartless things. and im so not afraid of him anymore. he cant treat me like that. so i started screaming back. and then he screams saying, "I didnt raise of bunch of ungrateful selfish bitches!" He literally called me a bitch! So i screamed back, "Dont you dare call me that! Thats how your acting!" And my dad got all up in my face and so i told him to get out of my face and then my mom stepped in and ugh. And so then i had to go out with my grandma and hailey, after everything that had just happened. But i have to admit it was fun. Our grandma took us to kidstar. At first it was kinda corny because its a little kid place, so we were just trying to make our grandma happy. But then she paid for us to do go-carts twice, glow in the dark mini golf and laser tag. The glow in the dark mini golf was fun because in the middle of it, this thing popped out out of no where and started talking and we screamed haha. And then the laser tag was really fun cause as we were waiting this group of 4 people walked in. And the guy was like well they were here first but you guys can play together if you want. So we were all like ok sure sounds fun. But then once we got all geared up, i realized we were a different color from them. Me and Hailey were versing 4 people! hahaha. it was fun lol. But of course when i got home my mom wasnt there. And when i walked in the house my dad was on the couch. And i had absolutely nothing to say to him.  I was pissed beyond comprehension. so i just walked into my room and was laying on my laptop. And then he slams my door open and starts screaming at me again. He said, "you know what? i dont care if you hate. Why dont you go call DCF on me again and tell them how horrible of a father i am. Better yet, ill go call them for you. you got what you wanted the laptop, and now your done with your family." and heres where he really screamed. "Im not helping any of your friends, im not helping you. Your ungrateful and i swear to god. You dont even fucking care." And he slammed my door really hard. And i was just speechless because he brought up the child services thing. He doesnt know how it feels to know i caused that. I swear to god i hate him! He can go rot in hell! im not speaking to him. OH! And then when my mom got home and realized i was balling my eyes out, i told her what happened, and she went and yelled at my dad. So i walked out into the living room right as my dad was saying, "Its like she doesnt even wanna be in this family!" And i had the most pissed look at him, and he was like what do you have a problem? And im like "How the hell do i not wanna be in this family?! i hang out with mom all the time!" and he was like "well maybe its just me then" And so i screamed so fucking loud "MAYBE IT IS!!!!" and then he argued with my mom some more. And later on he said to me "I dont care if you hate me, but im still your father and you will speak to me with respect" so i said "no". Like hell im gonna show that bastard respect. if it were up to me he would have never even came back home after he cheated on my mom this summer. Oh rite, no cheating on ur mom sure shows how much you care and wanna be in this family! Let this be noted to the whole world, my dad, steve, is dead to me. 

This Is So Overrated...

Well, today Jamie and Cameron are leaving. And of course with everything that has happened, my mom is stressed. But today, before they left, Cameron wanted to come over to spend time with me and amber. But then instead of my grandma to come pick him up, jamie did. And of course my mom makes this huge deal over it. Jamie didnt do anything to her. I know she started yelling at my mom and shouldn't of jumped into that argument last christmas, but she was only doing that because she didnt want my mom to take me and amber away. she wanted to spend time with us, and this whole stupid argument is tearing us apart. And so now my mom and my dad are in an argument because my dad thinks that my mom shouldn't take this out on jamie either. its all so retarted. I hate this. 

Fun Day...

Well today was fun. I was able to hang out with Jamie and Cameron again. It was nice to have all the cousins together.. for once -.- But anyways, amber and I went over there and then we went to the mall. And we walked around. Omg it was funny when Jamie was going to get in the little car ride thing for babies and this kid was in line hahahahahahah she even started blushing haha. We just walked around till our movie started. We saw Yes Man. It was so fucking hilarious!!! haha but also gross; by gross i mean it showed old, wrinkled butts... 0.o yah i know. But after the movie we just waited around for my g-ma. then when we got back to the house we played imagineiff, mad gab, and apples to apples. it was fun. And now im using my webcam and talking to my cousin madison while i type this lol. So yah fun day fun day haha.

Gay Ass Family Issues...

Well, its the morning after christmas. And of course i wake up to my mom crying and this huge damn argument going on. Its so fucking retarted. Amber had to open up her big mouth and talk about my Aunt Teri and all that shit. I swear she doesnt think before she speaks. She'll say anything she wants and its all like no big deal. But in the end, she completely destroyed my mom's feelings. Dont get me wrong i think my mom is taking this all too far. I mean, its not like Amber intended it to be about her, and not only that, but she just needs to let all this Teri shit go. I mean, yah Teri hurt you, we're sorry, but she IS family and nothing can change that. And to top that off, she does the same exact thing as Teri! Shell deride and ridicule a gibe Teri not even realizing she's using what Teri does to justify her emotions. I swear my whole family is fucked up. But unfortunately, i still love em. :/ love is fucked up haha

Christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! Well today was nice. My family and I woke up, of course i was the first one; so i just decided to open my stocking. It was so funny because our cats have a stocking too, so i opened theirs with them, and Maximus kept trying to look intot he stocking as if he knew what was going on. I swear they understand me lol. But it was cute. Maximus and Lexie got tiny mice toys, a jingley ball thing with feathers, and cat treats lol. But i had to w8 for everyone to wake up, and on christmas everyone knows that seems like 4ever lol. but yah. We all were opening presents, and amber kept getting one after the other, but i already knew i got my laptop, which means that cost a lot of money. So i was like id rather just have my laptop than anything else lol. Overall i got skinny jeans, an amazing tank top, an aeropostale shirt, a golden feather necklace, a peridot necklace, rockband and a laptop. lol. Rockband is so awesome but my laptop is amazing too lol. And then we went to my grandma's for a christmas dinner. My cousin Hailey is still here so it was nice spending time with her. We played Rockband a lot. Im still at my grandma's right now. So yah.

Wow It Has Been A Long Time..

Well, i realized that i dont talk much about what im feeling. so yah, ima start using this again lol. well, it has been a decent past 2 months. evrything is falling into place, i guess. well i like my life atm, there well go with that. but, its christmas today. its been really nice. it actually feels like a family when we all sit around the tree and open the presents and stuff. i got this new laptop, which is AMAZING! thats what im typing on right now. xP coolness. lol. well, relationship wise im still single. it never happened with taylor but ive been talking to dallas. idk, i get so confused. he realizes that he chooses girls who dont care, but the one who does he never goes for. and like, he flirts and stuff, but he never does anything. if you like me dallas, make a move. dont just lead me on. its not fair to me :/ but dont worry, i care about you and always will :). well, i found out austin liked me. i kinda panicked if you know what i mean. its just, hes a good friend and i never wanna lose him, but only as a friend. nothing more. thats it. so i told him i was gonna hook up with dallas. it worked. but then i knew emily liked him. so i hooked em up. this is nothing personal against austin, but the second i said emily liked him, he was like oh i liked her the whole time. idk i guess that was just kinda low, showing how little of me he thought. i dont like him or anything so dont get me wrong, but it kinda hurt. like, i see all these people go in and out of relationships like nothing. but the one prson who wants one and wants to care about someone and be loved, i cant have that. but w.e. id rather w8 for the right person instead of a shitty relationship. my grades slipped there for a moment. idk i just didnt feel like trying. i kinda wanna switch schools to nphs, but i dont think thatll ever happen. i brought it up to my mom but basically what she told me is im throwing my life away by even thinking about it. so out the window that goes lol. sergio and amanda have been dating and all sorts of shit has been happening because of it. not saying its their fault, i think theyre happy and thats all that matters, but this and that and w.e. i just hope everybody figures things out because i hate seeing everyone sad. ive been getting really close to nicole l8ly. its nice. we lost our friendship there for a lil but were best friends now. and thats the way i like it. weve been best friends since kindergarten, and i do have to admit what happened between us was kinda my fault. :/ but its all good now ^_^ she lives close to me too so we get to hang a lot. well, ill keep posting. this computer has a program where i can just click, type and post. i dont even have to log on to blogger, which is sweet. so my diary is back on! well blog, w.e you wanna call the damn thing lol xP. peace out.

Wow Its Been A While...

Since I haven't posted in a while i need to catch you up on everything. Kyla and Zac are going to go out soon so YAY!!! Lol. but this weekend is going to be so stressful. I swear. I have to do an entire book report, cornell notes, a current event, johnston three column notes, and like all of these things take hours to do. the book report is gonna take days and its due wednesday. ugh -.-. but yah. And then at school, things are ok. I finally figured out Taylor's name lol. Now all that's left is to talk to him xP. Me and zac have been talking a lot lately too. He really likes kyla. Like you have no idea. I think it's so cute because i know that kyla likes him too ^_^. But yah. OH! There was a cross country meet thursday. I didnt do as good as i would have hoped but ill take it. And then, i am working my butt off all week gettin ready for district next saturday. Yah. Life's been good ^_^. Everything seems like it's falling into place with everyone. Like there's no stress, other than homework -.-, lol. But yah. My world is at peace ^_^.

Busy Weekend...

Well im gonna be a busy bee this weekend. I have to go to a cross country race tomorrow morning then i go to madi's and babysit 3 4yearolds then i dont know bout sunday but yah. itll be hecktic lol . did i spell that rite? but yah. im so happy for nicole she and the guy shes been liking a lot finally hooked up. and things with me and max are all good now. schools kind of been good lately. actually, not good, great. I love my friends. i love them all. i dont know what i would do. like, i walk into campus, and i look at our group, and see everyone laughing and smiling, i just feel so lucky. i have great friends. and none of them are the kind of people who do drugs or smoke or anything. they're just there for me when i need them. They're my family. They're the only ones i got. But yah. I dont know why lately but ive been really wanting to sing a lot. I love singing ^_^. i can just express myself with no ifs, ands or buts. I love it ^_^. But yah. Things with kyla and zac are kind of cooled down. I felt so bad for zac. he felt so crushed. he texts me one night and is like i am 60% sure she likes me xP and im just like good 4 u ^_^ but inside im like, she doesnt like u dude. plz dont get ur hopes up cause ull just be shot out of the sky. but it all worked out. I have to support McCain in this debate thing in history class. I wanted to be one of the ones who dont have a side cause, quite frankly, i HATE politics. i could care less. But, being the good person that i am, and the fact that no one would volunteer and i wanted to get the hell out of there, im like w.e. Emily's going with Austin to the dance tonight. I thought that was cute. I could tell when i looked at him that he had a thing for emily. It was cute ^_^. But other than that life's good. I got some random comment by someone the other day telling me to get the fuck off sergio's back. And i just wanna say if they ever read my blog again, they dont know the whole story. Sergio has done things b4 that i bet anything u dont know and he and i have gotten in fights. out of nowhere he told me that our friendship isnt working, as in he doesnt wanna be my friend, while the whole time i thought he was my best friend. Then he starts saying that pretty much all these things i do piss him off so much and he cant stand me sometimes. and im like umm ok? and it all came out of nowhere. and now this? I just dont wanna deal with it anymore. who ever you are, i dont care if you think im a bitch. Go ahead. Ive been through too much already and im not gonna take any shit in my life anymore. Im going to enjoy this one life that i have and live it to the fullest. And i wont surround myself by people who wont let me do that. I love my life. I hate some of my experiences, but if i didnt have them, i wouldnt be who i am today. And if i wasnt who i am, i wouldnt have the ones that i love in my life. I wouldnt have my friends. I love you guys =).

Ugh...

Well everythin about today is nothing compared to what happened once i left school. Ive been so stupid. I always say that I hate players and i cant stand them and ugh. And they just literally make me sick to think some1 could be so cruel when it comes to someones love. Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart, but trusting them enough not to. Yet people abuse that power. Well yah. Well turns out max is the biggest player on the face of the planet. I thought he was different. I thought he had everything. The looks, personality, loyalty, honesty. The conversations weve had he sounded so sweet and everything id ever want. And now, i find out hes the biggest player and ive been so stupid! How could i let myself fall for someone like that! it pisses me off! I just wanna scream at him. But julia told me something. He knows no better. To him its ok. To me, its horrible. I just... i thought he was different.

Ok Day..

Today was ok i guess. Nothing really exciting happened. I don't know. It's wierd. I feel like my life is passing too fast. I feel sad, happy, loved, lonely, excited and scared all at the same time. I don't know. It's not that im sad or anything, but im out of it kind of. Im not happy, but im not sad. I dont know how to describe it. Its all so annoying. Emotions are annoying lol. Well today was ok. Art was kind of fun. Max wanted me to sing for him but i just couldnt. So we texted earlier and i promised him i would sing tomorrow so i need to sing for him. I even promised with my whole heart, stupid me -.- hahaha. And then, that was ok. Then french which was really boring. I had an mp3 player today tho so i was listening to that and texting people all day long. Mainly Julia and my cousin Jamie. I love the fact that i can talk to jamie now with no worries. I miss her so much. But yah. The rest of the day was just a blah. lol. I guess it went fast. And then on the bus kyla COMPLETELY falls over into the isle hahaha! it was so funny! <3 lol. And now i am emily's bitch xP. <3.

Max, Sergio and Kyla...

Well thats all this weekend really has been based around. Me and max having been texting like literally ALL weekend. I love talking to him. Hes so much fun and hes really sincere when u need to talk to him. We have this list going of things we MUST do together lol. We're gonna do a paint fight, water fight, embarassment fight, dancing crazy, tackling eachother in the dark, guitar hero competition and watching scary movies xP. I just hope that maybe i could get a chance with him. Who knows it might happen it might not. Ive always been attracted to him, even when julia had her fling with him, but now that i know him, i like him even more. I hope i like dont offend julia or anything tho. She says that she's kind of having problems with him and stuff so i dont know. All i know is i like him a lot lol. Well, saturday I went to the Cross Country meet. I did pretty damn awesome. I got 2 minutes off my time and i literally sprinted the whole last quater mile. I ROCKED! haha. I was so proud of kyla too. I hung out with Tyler and T-bone a lot on the way up there and back and there lol. And then me, kyla and ashelyn hung out with craig and zac. Craig, the team would so not be the same if he wasnt on it lol. We all stopped for Miccy D's afterwards on the way back. But yah. Later that night I went over to help Kyla and her family work on their g-ma's house. Me and Kyla started attacking eachother with paint and we were all singing and dancing to music haha. Their like my family, i wouldnt be anything without kyla lol. Shes my alter ego hahahahahaha. And then yah. OH! before i went to kyla's g-ma's place i had to go to this dinner party. It wasnt as bad as i thought it was gonna be. Mainly because a friend of my aunt sharon's just had her new baby girl named Ruby. She's only a few months old and i took care of her and AWW she was so cute! i didnt wanna leave she was so adorable. I was lightly tickling her little feet and she started to smile and awww it was so cute ^_^. But yah. Now its today and i did all my chores. Then i went back over to hang with kyla again. She had to leave early tho so me and her sis hung out for a bit which was fun. Now for the shitty part of my weekend. I got ina fight with sergio a few days ago. And like, we had different views but he just doesnt get it. Im really pissed, and if you didn't notice my motto b4; Judge me and i'll prove you wrong, tell me what to do and ill tell you off, say im not worth it and watch where i end up, call me a bitch and ill show you one, fuck me over and ill do it to you twice as bad, call me crazy and you really have no idea. But then he goes on his blog and writes stuff and he completely twisted what happened and added things that didnt even happen and some people who r my friends 2 read that. So way to go sergio, way to go. So im just sick of it. We always get in fights and he just over all pisses me off. IM SICK OF IT!! Theres always something wrong with him. He was perfectly fine 2 weeks ago when his hormones were high and wanted to make out with everything in sight and now oh he has a sudden problem with all of that. He has good friends he can talk to and he just STILL is all im depressed. If you were really depressed act it. You are perfectly fine the day before then out of nowhere hes been all depressed. GET OVER IT. You're not alone. People go through way worse stuff than you in the world. Be grateful of the things u do got. So, in the event that i knew we would always have fights and i literally feel sick to my stomach from being so pissed and annoyed, i told him to have a good life. Im done with his drama and he can just leave me the fuck alone.

Three Day Weekend...

Well we have a three day weekend this weekend ^_^. And of course Im doing nothing during it -.- lol. Well ill just tell you all about my day. In art I hung out with Max all period. He's so cool ^_^. I love how he just has fun but can still be serious when he needs to be ^_^. But yah. We talked bout all sorts of stuff xP. And then Anna came over so I was talking to her too. And then Max and I didn't realize what time it was and it was time to go so we had to run back to the class room and max was running carrying a chair and im like OMG cause he jumps a trash can! haha. I love hanging out with him ^_^. But yah. And the I went to french and we had a substitute so I worked ahead on science. Strangely math went by fast and then lunch. And then ringo which was ok. I fake argued with Luke like always lol. And then came johnston which was the funnest lol. Me and Julia were talking and we got into this conversation of murder lol. And so shes like so whyd you do it ashli? and it was all just fun lol. And then Julia didnt know that Gerard Butler played the phantom of the opera and 300 and im just like DUDE how do u not know that? lol. it was jsut a fun day. Kyla wasnt here though. I hope you feel better ^_^. But yah. Not to be rude, but if kyla was here today, then i wouldnt have been able to hang out with max in art so in a way its good. But it was wierd lol. Kylas always there with me and she wasnt 0.o KYLA GET BETTER hahahah ^_^.

Ok Best Bus Convo Ever...

Ok yah obviously all of you people already know that kyla and I aren't normal, and are EXTREMELY wierd lol. But ok. So we were on the afternoon bus yesterday and were talking and so here's what happened. We started talking and out of no where im just like ok you know whats scary? and shes like what and im like making out for the first time. im scared to death, i mean, i dont even know what to do. So then kyla's like well i think its just natural. im like but still, its still scary. So shes like ok heres how you make out. stick your tongue down their throat and feel them up! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH nice kyla. And im like oh real nice. And shes like just go with the flow of the ocean and so i try to rill my tongue like a wave and shes like are you practicing making out in the air? haha and im likes yes, yes i am lol. so yah xP. And then yah. Dallas and Kayla broke up. Dallas was really upset and stupid so i called him last night and made sure he was ok ^_^. It was nice cause i hope he sees that i care about him and his wellbeing and am making sure that he never is stupid again. Hear that Dallas, I havent forgotten to slap you xP. But yah. And then we have friday off from school so that's nice. I was gonna see if Dallas wants to come over but he already has plans so im just like ok. So maybe kyla or Max could come over. I was talking to max in class bout him coming over to go swimming in art class so that'd fun. Max is so much fun to hang out with lol. We're always getting in these play fights and messing around and having fun ^_^. But yah.

ORLANDO...

This weekend was SO much fun! Ok ima start from the beginning. Art was awesome friday because max hung out with me and kyla so we all got in this play fight thing and it was fun. And i gave max a tattoo xP. And so then me and kyla got out of school early because we had to meet the team at the gas station but they hadnt even left the school yet so kyla, her mom and i went into this halloween store. And so me and kyla are sitting there having a sword fight and kyla's mom puts an afro on kyla and omg it was SO funny! and then like kyla's mom got hypnotized by a witch haha and then me and kyla's mom started doing the thriller because the song came on xP. everyone was like what the hell? haha. But yah. Turns out me and kyla had to ride with Dallas, Mateo, T-bone and Tyler because the girls van was full. But, im actually glad we got to. I like hanging out with the guys more. They're all more fun and less pissy. I swear this weekend every single girl other than me and kyla wanted to rip another girl's throat out. And then Ashelyn takes things out of proportion and just because someone was mad at her she started writing poems about how her life is miserable and shes all alone. I tried to be nice but i started getting really pissed when she treated kyla liek shit. she did it ALL weekend and all kyla was doing was being nice and wanting to help. And then like, i was sitting with tyler and dallas having a nice convo, and ashelyn notices and sits RIGHT in between them and ruins it all and i swear i should have punched her. But anyways, the car ride up to orlando was so much fun! me, kyla and dallas all hung out. We were playing this game and dallas kept play hitting me so we got in this play fight and yah SO much fun. But we got there and checked in to the hotel and then we all went for a run then went to cici's for dinner. Ashelyn really pissed me off there because she on purposely was pissing off kyla. she started talking about their adoption and how they have brothers and sisters and she was like yah kyla hates talking about it so im gonna talk about it. After that my favorite part of the night was when we went to Downtown Disney Marketplace. We all got to walk around by ourselves and so me and kyla stalked the guys and they stalked us and omg SOO much fun! hahah. Yah. There was one part that i kinda got sad but happy at the same time. We were getting into the car and i got in after dallas but i forgot to wait for the poeple who needed to get to the back. So i had to sit on dallas's lap and then i kinda fell back and he put his hand on my back to catch me and i was just like woah, so this is what its like to be held like that. I mean, i know its kinda stupid and he was just making sure i didnt fall, but i dont know. i felt so safe in his arms and it was just nice. lol look at me rambling. anyways, so we went back to the hotel and RAN to make it to the pool before it closed. And so we all got in the pool and everyone started having chicken fights. And then i got on tyler's back and we were undefeated! WOOO GO TYLER AND ME! haha. But yah. I felt bad because I accidentally scratched Zack on his stomach and it looks really painful. I swear i didnt mean to though, sorry Zack =(. But yah. Then the next day we woke up at 6 and got ready for the race. Everyone kinda sucked liek i got a 26 but i should be getting a 25. But i guess i did ok. i mean, i got 3 minutes off my last time. But yah, we all hung out after the race. I felt so bad for tyler though. He couldnt breath at the end because of allergies or something so once he finished he walked and then sta down panting, so i stayed with him while other poeple walked off. Then dallas came up and us three were having a nice conversation until Ashlynn had to ruin it like i said b4. i swear, if shes not in the spotlight of all the guys, she will make DAMN sure she is. and it pisses me off so much. She thinks it gives her good attention but its giving her bad attention, as in people being annoyed. I love her to death and i feel bad but i need to vent because she just doesnt get hwo obnoxious she can be, even if she doesnt mean to. but yah. The car ride back was blah. Everyone was sleeping and crashed from the weekend. I would have slept but kyla was laying on me so i didnt want to make her move so i sucked it up and stayed awake lol. And then i went home and got the whole house to myself because my sissy had homecoming and my parents went out to dinner. I guess its good to see them actually acting like a couple for once. Well here are some photos of the trip ^_^.

So Many Birthdays...

I cant believe there are so many birthdays in the month of october. Like, Julia's was at the end of september, then Mcauley's was just a few days ago then Britanny's was today. Dude haha. I cant keep up lol. One more day and then I go to Orlando with the team. It's gonna be so much fun! Like, I bought a new bathing suit so I hope we get to go swimming. And then I get to talk to Dallas and hang out with Kyla and the whole team. It's gonna be great. Except TJ and Tyler kind of scare me. The older tyler though, cause there are two tylers on the team. The freshmen Tyler is really cool. He's so nice and all. But then the junior or senior tyler, he just plain scares me. As well as TJ. They act all immature and scary haha. I totally stole Julia's laptop again xP. Apparently it annoys her, sorry Jules. I just love ur laptop hehe ^_^.

Work, More Work and My Grades SUCK...

Ugh. So much work. It's strange though. Lately, i've been making sure i do all my work. Ive been studying, getting good grades and everything. But it's only biology that im struggling in. Mrs. Sauriol called me up today and im like am i gonna like what i see and shes like uh, lemme think no.. i was missing like 5 things, and one of em was even a test! And im like wtf i took that test. but it turns out these corrections were mandatory when i specifically remember her saying they werent. But w/e. I had pretty much everything else. But i was absent for one thing. But like, i saw my grade before i got everything fixed and it was a 63! 4 POINTS FROM AN F!!! And the grades go in next thursday! I have NEVER gotten even a C on a report card. Yah on a progress report but i have NEVER EVER EVER had a grade below a C. And now that it is coming down to this and its all so hard. and of course the one year im struggling this bad its my first year of high school at a gifted school and all my grades on report cards go on my transcript -.-. But i WILL kick butt this year ^_^. I promise you that. And i WILL get this grade up before report card grades go in.

Almost Weekend... I Guess...

Ugh the weekend is almost here. I cant wait just to be able to hang out and talk to all my friends on the cross country team, especially Dallas lol. But w/e. Ok, now school. There is so much homework. I told you the school is trying to ruin our lives lol. But, i know i will pull through. Ima go home, relax, run, eat then homework. What a life huh? SOOO exciting (cough cough sarcasm) lol. I can't wait for christmas this year. I hope I can get my mom a really nice present because she deserves it a lot. But like, not only that, but I really think ima be able to get a macbook. I REALLY want one, it is SO nice and practical and everythin. The programs are awesome and itll be SO easy hiding myspace from my parents. You just use this page thing and it makes it disappear without closing it or putting it on the dock. Myspace here I come ^_^. Haha.

Relationships...

It seems teenagers today dont even care about what a relationship means. Well i mean they do, but many take it for granted. I aint gonna say who or what or why but someone was completely stupid and threw away something that meant a lot to them. I guess i just take that stuff seriously a lot because I had to sit there my entire life and watch my dad neglect my mom and not care. And now that im at the age where im going to be in relationships, I want it to be real you know? Like julia and jack for example. They're a real happy couple and they understand and know what eachother is thinking and wants. They dont mess around or shit like that. I hate when people do that. It's just, why? I mean if you want stuff like that, talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend about it. Dont break their heart over it. I mean, yah there are circumstances that I may not know of or understand, but still. I cant wait till i find that special someone. Ive screwed up a lot before while having a boyfriend. Well, it was only really once, and it was with michael. But i was young and didnt kniow what I was doing. Trust me michael, i feel horrible for breaking up with you not only once but three times =(. Im sorry. But im older now though. I know what thins mean and I always have julia when i need help or advice. I just wish I was given the opportunity. Anyways, I have so much work lately. I have so many projects and it is just SO hard at pineview. Im kind of wishing i could switch. I mean, I have no life and i want one. My mind wants to switch, but my heart doesnt. I love pine view, and everyone in it, i just hate the stress. Projects after projects, book reports, homework, short stories, book reviews its just ugh. And on top of that but I NEVER get to hang out like a normal teenager with my friends. They all live in Sarasota and so it aint liek my mom will drive an hour there and back, then another hour there to pick me up on normal work nights. I mean if i had my license and a car it might be a bit different. But its not, im only 14 -.-. I hate it. I just ugh. I mean i know i am getting a great education and have the BEST friends anyone could ask for, i swear. You compare your friends to mine and i KNOW mine will be so much more kick ass xP. But i never to see em. Im slowly making friends at nopo. So we'll see if i get a friendship with anyone where i can hang out with them outside of cross country. I kind of meet people through nicole, shes one of my best friends. And i go places with her and her friends so i meet people, but im too shy to be like hey we should hang out sometime. Damn shyness -.- lol. Well, halloween is almost here! Im probably gonna have kyla come over for the weekend and we can watch movies and scare all the little kids hehehehe jk jk xP. Idk well see. But yah. And then comes christmas. Then 2009. Isn't it strange how time goes by. Its this holiday, this birthday, this holiday, next year. Then it goes all over again. Whats the point? Wheres the purpose? Wheres the originality or excitement? I mean dont get me wrong i love holidays and everyone getting together and all of that fun stuff, I just wish I could do more stuff in between them. Basically, I WANT A LIFE! My own life, no dictation of parents, no rules of oh you have to be home here or you have to plan ahead of time, I just want a life. Im growing up too fast, but ive always been the more mature person. Always. Ive always had, no, HAD to do stuff on my own. I hate when people try to do stuff for me or go places for me when I can do it perfectly fine on my own. Its so annoying to me. Its my life, my choice, my heart, my mind, my decision, MY life.

Driving...

Today I got to go on backroads and drive for about an hour. It was so much fun! And i did really good too. I did as if ive been driving for ever lol. Yah I messed up once or twice when stopping too hard but that was it lol. But yah, ive just been really sad lately with Kido dieing and all. I really miss him and I walk in my room and it is so empty. I miss him so much. He was my baby =(. But yah. Today's run was a bit hard. My legs hurt like hell but i kept going, so you should be proud kyla haha.

Cross Country Meet...

Well im gonna start from friday night cause that was kinda big i guess. I went to the mall with my friend nicole and yah it was really fun. We met up with her two friends Shane and Steven and they were nice. Steven really likes nicole and i feel bad because she's kinda torn between the two. But i knwo shell make the right choice ^_^. Of course I got yelled at though because I didnt call when I did, a million times, both numbers. She just was looking on the wrong side of the mall. And of course she jumps out of the car when she sees me and walks up in front of EVERYONE and screams at me and im like WHAT THE FUCK but oh well. It was a miscommunication and we both apologized so ugh.. w/e lol. But then the next day i had to get up at 4 in the fucking morning -.-. But it was ok. We had a xc meet and it was AWESOME. I did horrible in time but hey, I just lost my ghecko, i didnt feel good and i was tired. I WILL do better at disney next weekend. And Dallas made it onto varsity ^_^. CONGRATULATIONS! So now I can hang with him at the hotel in orlando ^_^. But yah. It was fun though because we got into this HUGE water fight and me and tyler soaked Dennis with FREEZING water! I felt SO bad lol. And then afterwards I went to kyla's for a bit. We had fun. Me and her mom ganged up on her and sergio lol. But were just joking kyla. It all fun, nothing serious haha ^_^. I buried Kido yesterday. It was really sad. But I know he's in a better place. I miss you buddy.

May Kido Rest In Peace... I Love You With All My Heart...

Well, today was a really sad day. Kido, my leopard ghecko, has been having a lot of problems health wise. And, he hasnt been eating and all. Well, this morning I woke up and went to mist him first thing, and he didnt move like he usually does. He has been looking so horrible his legs wouldnt work and he wouldnt walk and wouldnt eat. But so he wouldnt move. And so i tried picking him up and I knew he was gone. Kido Unsinger passed the morning of 10/03/08. I will miss him soo much. I cant help but feel horrible about it because like, I tried feeding him for hours and he jsut wouldnt. But, I have to think of this as a good thing kind of because now he wont suffer anymore. And he can rest in peace. I love you kido. But yah, i was crying all this morning. But then all my wonderful friends kept chearing me up. I dont know what I would do without them. I would literally kill myself. Thank you guys for being the best family anyone could ever have. I have a cross country party tonight but I dont know if i want to go yet. Its just kinda awkward because all these girls look totally awesome in these cool bikinis and here i am sitting there in this old, worn down bathing suit and trunks -.- Way to look good Ashli, real smooth lol. But yah. I got like no sleep last night so im really drowsy haha. Ugh, Im glad it is the weekend. Theres a cross country meet tomorrow so ill get to see Dallas, so I guess that is good. I havent been talking to him a lot lately so w/e. He does have a gf and they do look really cute together. Id feel horrible if i got in the way of that. But that dont mean we cant be friends ^_^. I LOVE YOU KIDO! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

Birds...

Today was so annoying. I had to take care of the birds all by myself and of course it was the last day to do it so i had all this work i had to do. I did it the last day last time too. I swear i think amber plans to leave the very last day so she doesnt have to do all of the work. But anyways, today was so much fun! i swear we spun around again at lunch xP. im trying to get the video i made of yesterday it is so sweet xP. But yah, and that was that and then like i did ok in johnston on our book reviews. I actually think im gonna do ok! ^_^. But yah, Im really bored. I need something to do haha. Like, tomorrow im going to a cross country pool party, WOO lol. And then saturday there is another cross country meet. Im gonna try my hardest to keep up with kyla this time. If i can do that through out the whole race, ill be so happy! ^_^. I get nervous jsut thinking about it haha. But yah. No one is ever on myspace anymore -.- hahaha. And then on top of that but no one ever answers the phone lol. Im so lonely, I have no body, on my own OOOOHHHH hahaha jk jk lol. But seriously, bout the phone or myspace haha xP.

Skipped School Kinda...

Well today. I was extremely tired, and yah. And I really needed time to finish this book review shit. -.- So I kinda skipped school so w/e. My mom knows im home so yah Im fine. But, im extremely lonely and bored lol. Gosh u people are gay for not being home -.- hehehe xP

Ugh Highschool WILL Kill Me I Swear...

This is so annoying! There is sooo much work in high school. And it ticks me off SO much. I mean, it's like they try to make it to where we absolutely CANNOT have lives. It's just ugh. And then like, on top of projects that are EXTREMELY long, there is homework, studying for tests yada yada yada. I just sometimes hate it at pv. I love pv its my home, but i want a life. I want to be able to plan things late and go sure ill come. Not only that but pv is an hour from my home so I cant hang out with my friends there cause they all live so frickin far away from me. I havent gone to julia's in over a year -.-. I mean, don't get me wrong, i love my friends and never wanna leave them. I grew up with them, they're my family. I just.. can't handle the stress.

BEST PHONE CONVO EVER...

Ok so like last night, I was talking to Dallas over myspace. and we kept talking back and forth and then he like well i g2g soon u should call me if u wanna keep talking. So im like well depends, ill call if u wanna keep talking. and he like do u wanna keep talking? And im like i asked u first, but maybeeee, xP. But then i had to go so i messaged him and was like heyy call me. And so like at 10 he called and we talked till 1 in the morning! It was SO nice! We were being so open and he was telling me things. And now he knows i like him cause he made me tell him. It was wierd though, like cause I knew he knew it was him, but like he still made me say it lol. And so like, he's just like well i have to admit ur cute and fun to hang with. And AHH AMAZING haha. And then like we were talking and he's like, this is wierd. I feel like I know you and yah. And im just like, well atleast your being honest with me ^_^. OMG im so happy! And like, the he was like you need to come over some time, or now. And im like i would if i could but i cant. And hes like y and im like well its 11 and my cousin is over and my mom wouldnt let me. And he like my parents rnt here rite now and im like yah well mine r lol. And then he told me how he was going four-wheeling today and im like oooooh i LOVE fourwheeling and hes like u should come. And im like well, depends on what time your going. My cousin might still be here. So if madi wasn't here, id be fourwheeling hanging on tight to Dallas RIGHT NOW...... -.- lolol. But oh well. He told me to call him today. So im waiting a bit. So i dont seem needy. Im just so happy, i think this will go somewhere. Cause Julia is always telling me how I decieve my heart and im always like how. And she says u always REALLY like some1 but u never go after them. Well now I am and julia's so proud of me xP. Im so happy ^_^. Anyone does anything to take away this happiness, u die hahahahahahahahaa lol. jk jk xP

SOOO AMAZING I SWEAR...

OMG today was like the BEST ever!!! lol. Well see there was the North Port Invitational today which was a cross country meet. It was awesome!!! Everyone ran soo good! I mean that was wonderful but that wasn't the best part.Ok, I really have problems with talking to the people I like, and I really like this guy named Dallas. And so, I was talking to him and OMG i was so happy! He and Dennis were like just hanging out with me and kyla. And like, kyla is into Dennis. Don't get me wrong I am sooo attracted to him, and I'd be so interested if he wanted me or something, but no. I like Dallas lol. And so we all got in a HUGE water fight. And when they were running me and kyla kept cheering them on and yah. And then like when it was the awards ceremony, Dallas pushed me over cause we were sitting and so i pushed him and then he was playing dead rite? And so im like r u dead? lol and he's like yah. But u need to be dead with me. And im like y? Hes like cause and im like ok.. so he grabbed my hand and pulled me down lol. And then i was really tired so i layed on his stomach and then ashelyn laid on mine then kyla laid on hers then Dennis on hers. OMG it was so much fun! We flirted soo much and i NEVER can flirt lol. I did good xP. And like, I love the fact that he dont go to pv. I like that he can drive and so i can see him outside of school and all. I just hope this goes somewhere ^_^. And not only that but now i got two amazing friends, Dallas and Dennis. Dennis is a senior and hes joining the army =(, good luck Dennis. Remember, i forbid u from dieing xP. And yah. Dallas is a sophomore xP. I love em both xP.

Dinner At My Grandma's...

I went down to my grandma's for dinner tonite so yah. Madi was there and all so we hung out all day. And like, so we walk down to the newspaper stand to get her a paper for her project rite? And we get there and im like OMFG its a buck 75! Cause our grandma only gave us a buck 50 for it. Plus it's an extremely long walk there lol. So madi like nu uh. No way i aint leavin till she comes here lol. So then Madi like starts attacking the coin return button and it actually gave us 2 quarters!! haha and so we go to put it in and the thing was jammed! So madi starts attacking the whole stand and i start hitting and kicking it and like we unjammed it xP. Yah, we're that amazing hehe xP. But yah we got our paper and then went back. And we started playing football and i wooped her @$$ in canasta xP. But yah. OH and dinner was SOOO good haha. ^_^

CROSS COUNTRY...

This weekend was SO much fun. The cross country team went to orlando for a meet but like, the whole ride up there i was miserable and being all to myself cause i got in a fight with sergio friday. And like, it all ticks me off SO much. there's no reason for it. Idk, there's just something and UGH. Like, he starts telling me all this stuff i do ticks him off, well how the heck u want me to fix it if u dont even let me know theres a problem??? And then he starts judging me on this conversation me and emily had, and he like oh well i dont even know the whole argument so yah. And im like OMFG u dont even know what we were talking about and plus it wasnt an argument. I just think im ready to tell him to have a good life. We're always getting in these fights and what not, and they all piss me off. Cause apparently im an "authoritative" person and always think im right. U know what screw u. But yah. So like well I got over it. Im just like im with friends that care about me so im gonna have fun. And like, we got there and the hotel was crap haha. But what ever. We went to check out the track and we all got in this huge seed throwing fight and OMG it hurt soo much but it was soo much fun haha! xP and then so we went to eat at golden corral and then the guys went back to the hotel but we girls went to Old Town xP. SOOO much fun. We went on this kiddy roller coaster thingy and were all thinking its gonna be all stupid and lame, but we went on it anyway. But like we got on and then it went like pretty fast haha. It was awesome xP. And so we got back to the hotel and we all went to bed. And then we woke up at 5 frickin 30 hahaha and we went to the race and OMG everyone did SOOO GREAT TODAY!!! I think everyone on the girls cross country team set a new pr! xP. I was sooo proud of Kyla. She made it so 23:20 something i believe and she worked so hard! GO KYLA! And then I was so happy bout myself! I made 24:56!!!! I cut 4 minutes off my time!!!! WOOO!!! xP and yah. We all hung out cause Danielle came in 12th out of everyone so she got an award. GRATZ xP. OH!!! And nphs came in 9th overall out of 28 schools!!! N P H S Lets Go BOBCATS B O B C A T S! DO WORK!!!!! xP Luv ya all ^_^

FUN DAY...

lol. Today was so much fun. I mean it wasn't like anything BIG happened but it still was a pretty awesome day ^_^. Except that kyla was sick and wasn't there. Please get better kyla, im SO sorry i got you sick =(. But like art was SO funny. I sit with julia and macauley and katie and tim so its so much fun lol. And then not only that but stuff is going on with some people so i got to help out and it was so sweet. Its so wierd, i like thrive off drama. I love knowing something is going on and expecting the outcome and what not lol. But yah. French was fun cuz i sit with macauley and nick and joe and nick's lil bro oliver. It's so entertaining watching them wanna tear eachother's head off xP. hahaha. But yah. And then grantham, which oddly wasn't that boring. idk y, i usually and always HATE that class but today was ok. OH we got progress reports in art tho. I did ok, all a's and b's except one c, which was a 79 -.-, one point away. Ugh haha. And like the only reason I got it was because SHE lost my lab!!! but w/e lol. Ok but then lunch was fun haha. Me and jeuxlsh sraightened our hair for picture day and then went to lockers and then to the library and some how got on the topic of first periods. it was wierd haha. And then we went to Ringo which we had a free day and at half the period we went to pictures. It was soo unnormal, usually it takes forever but this time it took like 10 minutes, literally. lol But then johnston, and we just presented today, but everyone was having fun and laughing and so was Mrs. Johnston. I think she's my favorite teacher this year ^_^. And then came sauriol. She was actually nice today. And we all had fun and goofed off. Over all it was a good day ^_^. And then i got home and ran so yah lol. That was really nice ^_^. Ugh i just cant describe how happy i am rite now. I dont know why i just feel so contempt and relaxed and happy and fulfilled lol. OH I MADE VARSITY!!!!!!! The first race of the season was yesterday! It was a 5k and i came in 6th out of 7 places. I was sooo proud ^_^. I didn't think I was gonna be able to make it lol. BUT I DID!!!! And now this weekend I get to go to orlando with the team for another 5k xPPPPP lol.

BEST DAY EVER...

Omg ok today was sooo hilarious! Ok im gonna go in order cuz I don’t wanna leave anything out lol. Ok well first off this morning well I felt horrible so yah. But im all like I need so much water and so we got to school and I got like 3 bottles of water xP, no lie haha. And then like so we ran into Emily so then me kyla and Emily went to the gazebo. And ok, lol, kylie snuck up and scared Emily so Emily poured water on her and it was sooo funny! And so kylie left and im like ugh u so mean xP and she like oh yah and im like yah and I poured water on her!! Omg soo hilarious! And then tim came and we were all threatening him with water and the next thing you know you see Emily chasing tim down the fields hahaha. OMG and tim’s pants kept on falling down!!! Hahahahha. I mean GROSSSS lol. But like so me and kyla had to go to art. And like in art, me and kyla kept getting into poke fights and stuff and so in the middle of class kyla pokes me REALLY hard so everyones quiet and then outta no where u hear “UGH”” hahahahhaha. Omg soo funny and were cracking up and everyones looking at us like what the lol. And then so me and kyla were talking and we were talking bout our cross country meet tomorrow, and were like oh shit we got a project to present, and julias like what! And were like no worries, well kidnap u and take u with us xP, and im like ok ill bring the duck tape. And kyla like u know its DUCTtape rite? And I look up with the most shocked expression and im like OMFG no way! R u serious?? OMG it was hilarious! Lol. I thought it was duck tape like quack quack, u know? Hashanah. And then so we get outta art and kyla shoves a gold fish down my shirt and im like screaming and im like JULIA THERES A GOLDFISH IN MY SHIRT and im like OMG I CAN FEEL IT and kylas cracking up and shes like u know whats funny? And im like what? And shes like I never put a goldfish in ur shirt… and im like ummmm really???? Hashanah omg good times xP. Well then I go to French and French was fun cuz macauley sits behind me now and like she drew this AMAZING rose and so im like that rose is mine xP and she lik no way and im like yah ill steal it and yada yada haha. And like not much was at lunch, EXCEPT we were sitting in the library and I hit myself -.- again… but OMG ok I forgot haha. When we were at the gazebo in the morning, the dude from lunch that I think is like TOTALLY cool walked by and like stared at me the whole way xP hahaha. But yah ok then I go ringo. Same ol same ol. And then in Johnston me and kyla goofed off again xP. And then came science.. BUM BUM BUMMMM. Ok, Emily stole Sergio’s watch because she loves it and I stole Emily’s bracelet because I love it lol. And then Sergio wanted his watch back and Emily wouldn’t give it back till I gave her bracelet back and so I give it back but Sergio steals it for collateral for his watch and then I got the bracelet and so me, Emily and Sergio all get in this huge wrestling match right there in the middle of everyone while people were waiting to leave and omg sooo much fun. And then like so I put my hands in between my legs so Sergio cant get the bracelet and im like HA and then Sergio literally goes for it from behind and im like OMFG hahahahahahahaha and then when we were walking to lockers it continued lol, and like Emily was tackling Sergio for her bracelet and then Sergio and Amanda were fighting for Emily’s backpack(Amanda was on Emily’s side) and like my foot got caught in the strap so here’s Sergio and Amanda playing tug o war with the backpack while my leg was being pulled and omg soooo funny! AND OK then Sergio did the same thing to Emily as he did to me and Emily said the most hilarious fucking thing ever! She’s like “Ok it’s all up in my business u cant have it”. I don’t know why but its sooo funny to me and the way she said it! OMG you had to be there lol. Fun day, fun day xP. I LOVE YOU KYLA, EMILY, SERGIO, AMANDA and all the peeps that made this day fun!!! Hashanah *AND DON’T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT GETTING YOU WET KYLA*

Sick...

Ugh well im sick. and it sucks but oh well. nothing i can do about it. I was talking to my mom and she like u gots to take ur medecine and im like ummm nah. i was thinking and why take medecine when it doesnt cure ur sickness anyway. she like well u dont have a common cold u have a virus. and im like well u cant kill a virus either. and she had this totally confused look and then like 2 minutes later shes just like will u just take ur medecine?? it was so funny haha. But yah. There's a cross country race tuesday. and it determines if you make it onto varsity or not. so im like REALLY nervous. i REALLY wanna make it! ugh. im gonna run sooo hard! i swear. just like kyla said ill keep running until i peauk! not to be gross haha. im just soo nervous just even thinking about it. But w/e. and then progress reports come out. im soo nervous! my grades are horrible and school is soo hard! i already have like 3 huge projects all at once! its ridiculous! my god! ugh. i just want summer again. i swear. lol. it like all summer u dieing for school rite? u like miss everyone and beg for it u know? and then the second school comes your like OMFG KILL ME. especially when u go to pv.

Cross Country...

Last night was so much fun! I went to cross country practice with Kyla and Ashelyn and her friend Kayla. Everyone on the team is soo nice and like, we got there and we had to do strides to stretch and I kept falling behind because I was doing it wrong, and im like AHH but in a funny way lol. And then so we had to start running and we were just doing a slow 2 miles jog cuz it was “bonding time” lol. We all need to be a family if we want to be a team. And there were a few girls who couldn’t keep up so we stopped for them and it was really nice. Ive never been able to be part of something like that, and I got so lucky to be with such nice friends. And I REALLY love cross country. I love running, and I love feeling healthy and all of that. But the qualifying race is Tuesday. It determines if you make it onto varsity or not. And obviously there are a few people who will most definitely make it on to varsity. I just hope I can. There’s 4 spots that I know are filled because they’re such great runners. But I really hope I make it. I know im good enough. I just don’t know how well the new girls are. But I think I can make it. I know I can make it. If I make it onto varsity, I get to go to the track meet out of town Saturday. And we all stay in a hotel room and goof off and have so much fun. And it was nice cuz coach gave us this like, pep speech and then the captain of the team talked to us, and we all came up with a phrase. I know, its kinda weird. But we’re all just special on the track team. It’s “Do Work”. Don’t ask haha. I don’t know either xP. But yah. Lots of fun. And its nice because it gives me something to get away from my family. Ive been having some problems with everyone lately. Like, mom, dad and amber are all good and happy, but im the outsider. So I like being able to go to this team and they accept me ^_^. We’re all gonna be a family ^_^.

My Mom...

OMG this is so annoying. Lately all I hear out of my mom's mouth is why aren't we close? or you have such an attitude. It's so annoying. Like yesterday, we went to subway and my mom never said a drink was for my dad and i take a sip and she like what are you doing. and im like oh i didnt know. and she like w.e u can have it. and i said i didnt want it since she said it was for my dad then she got all pissed and was yelling at me and im like OMFG. and like then not taking a drink turned into ok i see how the future is gonna be. we arent gonna be close. what happened to the daughter who cared about me?? and im OMFG STFU. and then today, i said i liked my aunt teri's zidi but i dont like lazagna. and she like what is your obsession with aunt teri? when all i said was i like her zidi, and i only said it because my mom bought zidi for dinner tomorrow. so im like omfg and we get in this arguement and my moms all like damn u have an attitude. well u know what? yeah i do. im sick of all this crap. im on purposely breaking away from my family. dont get me wrong i love them, but all this is getting old. im my own person and i can act how i wanna act, and u know what, im not afraid anymore. she tells me no to something well ill be too bad, im doing it. or shell tell me like ur being a bratty shit and ill be like fine, well your being an overbearing, lieing and annoying mom. i aint taking this anymore. and then also with my dad. do you really think im buying this guise dad? out of nowhere u care if u talk to me or i spend time with the family? Its like what family? Moms always mad at me and i dont even do anything, dads just there, i dont even know after what happened, and amber is always pissed and hates me. So w/e.

I Am Sad...

I can't run today. It's like REALLY stormy and nasty outside and like there was a tornado warning and all so my mom wont let me run -.- I gotta run!! ugh lol. But other than that, things are good. I am like soo happy cuz someone wasnt able to talk to someone today, so that someone is still mine ^_^. I mean no offense, to the one someone but he'll say no, and i really think that, so the someone is mine xP. I know you're confused. So am I hahahaha

Crying and Drama...

Last night was so sad and ugh. I got in this huge arguement with sergio and for a second i thought i lost my best friend. I was crying literally all night. And then something happened with another one of my friends and i felt sooo guilty and like yah and so i got guilt eating at me alive. Idk. Things arent falling apart but they are. It like they'er under control, cause i think me and sergio worked things out, but i still feel like theyre horrible. its wierd...

OMFG....

Everyone's fighting and arguing and getting pissed at me and i didnt even do anything! Screw them... -.-

Yah...

I have like been bombarded with so much work from school. It’s like their main goal is to suck the fun and time outta everything and make it to where we have no lives. I mean, I think they’re jealous or something that we have friends and a social life and they don’t cause they’re always grading papers or making tests or something they don’t wanna do. But you know what? Fuck that. I WILL have a life and I already have it planned for me and kyla to go to the NPHS Varsity Football Team home game tomorrow. It’s gonna be fun. I was supposed to go with Nicole, then Kyla wanted to come so all three of us were going but then Nicole got plans to go out with Ryan, her bf. So, me and Kyla r gonna go xP. I think her sister may have to come though. Oh well, ashelyn’s nice and fun. So I think we’re all gonna have a great time. Oh! And I don’t know if I told you guys this, I probably have, idk but like the blonde kid at lunch that I like and is a junior, yah… I kinda am always screwing it all up. I mean I have it all planned to talk to him and Ill be like today is the day! Then come lunch, the second I walk to that table, I just end up asking Matt for the rubix cube or something and making a HUGE dumbass outta myself. And I walk back to the table and I can hear all of them at that table laughing like what is she like ur stalker? When in reality all I wanna do is talk to the blonde kid. And I don’t even know him but I know matt, so ill talk through matt to get to know him. But UGH I get to my table and im like FUCK. So yah, I REALLY wanna talk to him. Like a lot… =(. Im so screwed... haha and now u gonna think im wierd lol. well im just attracted to the blonde guy.. i mean yah he seems nice but i dont know him. of course i wish i could. but like then theres someone else that i like and he is nice and yada yada. hahahaha xP

Nicole's House...

Yo ma peeps. I'm at nicole's place rite now. It's been so much fun xP. Like yesterday I cam over and we just like started playing monkeyball... dont ask -.-.... haha and then we like got bored and her wierd ass cousin came over haha. And so we decided to go see nicole's like really hot boyfriend lol, who im offlimits to -.- hahahahahaha. And like it was really far away but i was so proud because i decided to run there and so i even got my running done for the day. And like while we were there we talked and nicole got green crap on her shoe so i poured freezing cold water on it xP. And we came back and like ok this was the freaky part. Nicole's phone started beeping and typing all this crap, prob because her phone got wet since we were running in the pouring rain xP SOOOO much fun. And like ok. Nicole told me this story, true by the way, bout how her phone got like millions of texts from this phone and it wasnt even an actual phone number. And like they all said call 911 and crap. And then she got lke 3 voicemails from it too. And they all made this REALLY FEAKIN SCARY noise and she played it and i like freak and threw her phone. And like yah. I had fun xP. Im still at her place now so yup. OMG i forgot. Ok like last night, obviously nicole knows i think her boyfriend is hot, but ok. we were bout to pass out and she just like you gonna be dreaming bout my bf rnt u? and im like no. And she like i mean hes so hot. and im like r u trying to get me to dream bout him? and she says no. And then ok so like 5 seconds l8er after it was dead silent nicole says, r u thinking about dreaming about my bf??? and im like WTF hahahahaha. so im just like w.e. maybe i did, maybe i didnt... xP. Nah i didnt. I had a scary dream bout her cell phone coming to life and like taking us hostage hahahaha. ok im still at her place so see my dudes on the flip side l8er

OMG...

Ok. Today was like so confusing yet such a great day haha. Yah I was a bit pissy here and then but.. W/e. but like okay. Julia and I were in art and like this one HOT guy like flirted and stuff so all this stuff happening and idk. Im really happy for her tho. She seems to really like this guy. Ok but now for me… xP Okay at lunch, there is this junior and he is so cute! I am like so happy just to sit there and stare at him lol. But like, im too afraid to say anything. I don’t know how or what. But like, I know his friend matt like really well so I think ill start talkin to matt and be like.. Oh hey. Hi im ashli or w/e but yah. Idk. Lol ^_^. But yah, okay im am definitely gonna start being in track wit all my crap so message meh or sometin xP

Yo...

Ok ma peeps. I know I haven’t been on lately… like at all. Sorry bout that. I’ve just been so busy wit school and what not. It so f’ing retarted I swear. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love it and all, but it’s just soo tiring. So much work and what not. And on top of that I’m trying to make it on to the cross country team at nphs. So yah. And like, no one takes me seriously cuz so far when ever I go home, I cant run. So they all probably think oh she runs with kyla but then she just don’t care on her own. And that is so fucked up I swear to god. I really like the running. So w/e. they can think what they want. But yah. Other than that, high school has been pretty good. OMG except math and science!! Those teachers are so fricked up it aint even funny. Ok math. She cannot teach for shit! She sits there half the time asking us how we think of her and im just like OMFG STFU and TEACH DAMNIT. And like, she is soo immature. And math is like my fav subject, and im REALLY good at it, so when I don’t get a challenge or don’t actually even get to learn anything, it pisses me off. Like extremely. And then science. Science is so f’ed up too. Ok Mrs. Sauriol does not teach. I’m not gonna say she cant but the fact is she doesn’t!! Every day we sit there, watch a video, do a summary, read an article, do a summary then notes. I mean what if you don’t understand the fucking thing. They both piss me off beyond comprehension -.-. You have no idea. And like yesterday I got in this semi-fight with this bitch on the bus named Shana or w/e. Last year she told everyone she could kick my ass cuz she has wooden heels. Woopdy frickin do! I can break her in half! And then yesterday she starts explaining to this little boy what a blow job is! And im omfg. And she like stfu and im like what the fuck did u just say? And what ever. And you know whats funny, the second I said something threatening she shut right up. Hahaha. But yah, my bday was Sunday. I had sooo much fun that weekend. I went to kyla’s for like the whole weekend. I WUV YOU KYLA xP but yah. And I went to church with her and what not and ok. So like we did soo much funny crap lol. Ok first we went outside and had a flour bomb fight xP. It was boys against girls and we out numbered the dudes 2 to 1.… we lost…. Hahahahaha. And then like we went inside and were split into teams. And like every one had to chew gum and then one person in each team had to mold it.. EWWW haha. And like so I suggested smooshing a smiley face. Everyone else actually molded and sculpted lol. And then this REALLY HOT guy went up for our team… xP.. And he was like, ok our dude like got in an accident. And the window smooshed his face and now he all disfigured and like he cant control his bodily functions.. So he drools.. Hahaha cuz he lifted the plate and all the spit from the gum ran down.. XP. And guess what?? WE WON!!! Haha. And then peeps had a race to see who could put the most rubber bands on their head xP. Hahaha. But yah Ok dudes. Im sorry I havent been posting. I set up all my stuff to where it set.. Lol. So dun worry. Ima be posting like everyday now.. XP so hit meh up xP

Nicole's House...

Today I went over to nicole's house. I had to clean the house first tho O_o. But yah. We had fun. We played on the ps2 and we tried to get my laptop to have internet but i guess they didn't have a mireless modem or sometin. But yah. It was fun. And then I got a friend of nicole's who's gonna deck out my profile hehehe X).

Its Nicole Boo =P...

Nicole came over wit me and madison today. We had so much fun. We rode down to my aunt sharons and went swimming. But on the way back we had to carry a water jug for my mom and i kinda... accidentally rode it over lol. And then madi dropped it so yah. And then we got back to my place and nicole and I went on a freddie spree haha. Like on youtube fred, u know? lol. Well the guy who plays him is SOOOO hot lol and he seems really nice ^_^. so we both tried to add him on myspace. well see ^_^. But yah. We walked down to the bridge after that, and this is like at 8:30pm. So like were walking and nicole told us a story about how she was walking with her two friends who were goin out. And they were all mushy and kissin and what not. And so nicole through a rock in the air and a bat like flew at her so she pushed them both to the side and ran screaming haha. Well madi thought it would be funny to test that. So at first when she threw rocks nothin happened. But then like she did, and i thought they were screamin cuz it was gonna hit a car but there was a bat and it flew to the ground after the rock then came towards me so i run SCREAMING lol. It was so funny haha. But then like, before that, when we were walking to the bridge we saw this hunk dude and so nicole asked what age he is, and he like married. OMG it was so funny. Cuz he knew she asked cuz she was hitting on him haha. And then so on the way back when we passed him again, she like married isnt an age hun. and he like well 30 is. so yah. I had loads of fun. But of course i got in trouble for staying out so late cuz like we got home at like 9:00pm and we still had to ride nicole BACK to the bridge to take her home haha. But alls good ^_^.

Madison...

My cousin madison is over right now. She staying for the weekend. We're gonne have fun. I'm gonna try to see if maybe we could ride down to the shell off of toledo blade. I go there with nicole. I'm not supposed to but who cares hehehe X). Me and Ryan have been talking quite a bit. I am SO happy. Yesterday we talked how we used to and it was so nice. We kept asking eachother questions like what do u wanna do when u older and stuff like that. And my favorite was when i asked him what is his fav pasttime other than crew. And then he asked me the same question and I was like yah animals, writing songs, horseback riding or volleyball. But then im like but there is one thing i like doing more than that. and he like what? And im like well i like being with that someone if you have a someone. im like yah i know im wierd. And then he like no not at all. I like that a lot too. I just felt happy that we were talking how we used to ^_^.

Kyla's House...

Today I got to see kyla. Of course I rode ALL the way there on my bike lol. I timed it and it took me a half hour just to get there lol. But i had so much fun. When i got there we talked and stuff but then we decided to have fun and went in the pool. OMG you will never believe what we did. Kyla started acting like a baby and hung on me and kept saying mama and then she turned to ashelyn and was dadda and so ashelyn was like ur mommas a hermaphadite and im like what so then i started acting like the baby but i was a killer baby haha. And in the end i was the baby and kyla and ashelyn were the hermaphadite parents haha. And when kyla was acting like the baby im like do u like the fact that u are making it as if u were in her vagina and kyla was like no but u did. I was totally burned!!!! hahaha ^_^ But yah. I had to start heading home so I wouldnt get stuck in a down pour lol ^_^. I wuv kyla!! haha ^_^

Ryan...

I am so happy! I finally got to talk to ryan again! OMG! lol ^_^. I went on meebo and he was on so I was like hi and we had a pretty good conversation. Probably the first in months! I am so happy! I don't know I just miss him. I do. And it sounded like he missed me too, well i hope he misses me. He was one of the best friends i've ever had. YAY! Im so happy! lol ^_^

School's Almost Here...

Wow school's almost here. I can't believe it. Summer seems like its gone by so fast yet so slow lol. I haven't done ANY school shopping lol. So it kind of stressful. And not only that but I still have 2 more books to read and my cousin Madison is coming over this weekend, so yah. Ybay ethay ayway ihay antcay andstay erhay lol ^_^.

LAPTOP...

I got my laptop back! We're back in business! haha. Sorry i havent been posting. Ive been gone for like the past 3 days lol. Lots have happened. I went to nicole's. It was SO much fun! lol. We rode all over haha. Then I got a new comp till I got my laptop back but then today i got my laptop back!!!!! YAY!!! lol

Day After Day...

Summer is going really slow now that school's almost here. I still have 2 whole books i gotta read. oh well. ive been talking a lot on conquer with my friends there. they're all so nice. i know lots about them and stuff. but today was wierd, we got on this conversation about virginity and what not lol. it all started cuz these people kept killing me so blood was trying to protect me, and when i revived im like ok no one touch me. but of course some perverted 13 year old asked if i was a girl in real life and im like yah why and he like ok i can touch then he kept walking up to me say touch touch and im like back off you bitch i want my virginity to last through highschool thank you and thats how it started lol. Lexie, my cat, wears clothes now. u know how people dress their dogs? well she likes that. I dont know, i was dressing her one day and she liked it so i bout her an actual one and she wears it all the time now lol ^_^.

Pain...

Well, im in LOADS of pain. I refuse to say in public lol, but it hurts. And then, tomorrow I have to go sit in a movie theater for two whole hours! Someone save me! Well Kyla went to India. I miss her already. Now I cant ride my bike to her house and hang out and get out of this house cause ive been at this house all summer and its really boring lol. ^_^.

Boring Old Life...

I really hate my life right now. I can't see anyone. I havent seen kyla in forever, i havent seen julia once, sergios in brazil nor have I seen my sis at all. Amber turned 16 friday. She's been all mad at me because i've been ignoring her the past two nights but the truth is im working on the best bday present ever! Im making a handmade woodburned plaque with a poem i wrote on it. I had to trace every single letter one at a time and then woodburn them all. I was burned quite a few times lol. But I hope she loves it =). The poem is: 16 years have come and gone, bringing us greatt joy together so as you grow and embrace life, just know ill love you forever you show me how to be strong, and fight to reach my dreams so every day i thank the heavens, i was blessed with you because you're the only sister for me what do ya think? did i do good or what? ^_^. Well, my dads acting all w/e now. I hate how he expects me to just get over it. i feel like i hate him and never want to talk to him again, and now for some reason he actually acts like he cares. I guess thats why they call it acting.

B-Money44...

Remember how I said I was playing conquer? Well it's just not fun anymore. My sister is totally ruining it for me when it was my idea to play it in the first place. It's all because I had no friends on there when I started so i started hanging out with Amber and her friends. But of course amber gets all pissed at me for it. Every single time I log on I have to hear a speech or get into an arguement because im talking to this guy named b-money44, who incidentally is a good friend of ambers. I mean, i feel horrible because i know it's amber's friend but then, I like talking to him. He likes talking to me. He's always asking amber when i'll get on. But it's not like I like him like that. No! He's just a friend, but that doesnt mean i don't like to talk to him. I don't know what to do. I hate that amber's mad at me and its all over some guy we both met online. And amber probably knows him a lot better than I do. I think im just not going to go on conquer for a while so then amber can get close to him again. I mean, today is amber's 16th birthday and instead of me enjoying it with her, she's all pissed at me.

Conquer...

I've been playing conquer again lately. It's this amazingly totally fantastically wonderful game. You can choose from trojans, taoists, archers or warriors. And here soon they're coming out with ninjas. OOOOOH! lol. But yah, i'm a level 53 trojan. I'm pretty good. I've made a few friends. Most of them my sis was already friends with. I feel bad though because amber kept telling me not to talk to her friends but I really needed someone to power level me, so I did. She was totally angry, I think? But then today, she came in my room and was like "I got off of conquer because of you. B-money asked if you were coming on and I was like why and he's like because she's cool. See? I knew this would happen." I feel really bad though. I don't know. I've always thought that maybe amber might be jealous of me. I hope not, because I am so not a person to be jealous of. I have done things people are not proud of, and I don't want amber feeling bad because she isn't like me. I'd rather be like her.

He's Staying...

Well my dad finally moved back in. Well atleast I think he did. I believe he was unpacking earlier and from the conversation we all had I do think so. So far it seems like i'm the only one with a problem about it. When we all talked my dad even said it was me who he was worried about. He's confused why i'm ignoring him. Well what do you expect? Quite frankly, i'm still hurt. I'll never get over what he did and he's wondering why i'm not talking to him? Does he even deserve my attention? I can barely look at him, and i'm not ready to start talking to him like ordinary families do. And everyone's kind of pissed at me because i'm the only one who has an issue with him moving back in. They're all saying well if he doesn't, how can he prove to us he'll change? Well what if I feel he won't, and what if I think he doesn't even deserve the opportunity. I'm not like them. I'm not going to let this one slide. I'm sick of all this.

My Dad...

I'm really worried everyone's letting my dad off too easy. He came over tonight for dinner and acted like nothing ever happened. My sister even was laughing and joking around with him. I barely talk to him. I'm still so hurt, I can't look at him. And he's just going to waltz back in here like no big deal I shitted on all of you. I just don't know. He's not my dad anymore. I feel so uncomfortable around him. I mean, of course there's a part of me that wants to give him a chance and let him try, but how many chances can one human being get? When's the point where you draw the line. Well dad, i'm sorry, but you just drew it for me. I'll always love him, but i'll NEVER forgive him. And that's not about to change.

Cameron...

Yesterday I got to see my cousin cameron. I haven't seen him since forever! So it was nice to finally get to hang out. I've always been closest to cameron and jamie out of all the like 16 cousins so yah. It was funny because amber and I rode all the way home to getour ps2 and guitar hero and once we get back to my grandma's we couldn't even use it! Uncle dwayne switched his tv for a crappy old one just because it has a bigger screen so there was no hook-up for the wires! It was kind of funny. Jamie wasn't there though because she's in Missouri visiting our other cousin Haley. I miss Jamie and Cameron so much. But I have to say Cameron has matured SO much. He's not the little, hilarious hyper cousin I remember. We're all growing up! ='( But I still had a lot of fun. I just haven't seen him in a while.

Huge Blow Out...

Tonight there was this huge fight. It was awful. My dad just won't own up to all the shit he's put us through. He won't. But i'm not going to act like i'm all innocent either. I've just sat there while my mom and sister have taken the heat. I don't know what's wrong but I just can't seem to say anything to him. I can't. I've played it over in my mind millions of times how i'm going to get my point of view of this whole thing across, but I can't. I freeze. I mean, i'm not afraid of him. Not any more. But i just can't seem to get one word out. And of course my sis left tonight to go to a friend's house so i'm stuck here with all the awkwardness. I'm just so dumbfounded any of this is going on. It doesn't need to be. I still feel so trapped and alone but I can't express it anywhere else. I don't see Kyla that often anymore and a phone call with Julia can never be private without someone asking or trying to listen in. I act so fine with this whole thing just to try to be strong for my mom and sister, but deep down i'm crushed. I want to cry all the time and scream my head off but I can't. There's no where to go.

Fourth Of July Day Fishing Trip...

My grandma and grandpa took my mom, amber and me to a day of fishing at this one place for fourth of july. It wasnt what I though but it was ok. The pool was packed! Like seriously so I didnt even think of going swimming, and the water in the river was filled with alligators, so ummm, i dont think so =). But it was still fun all the same. I didnt fish cause I hate fishing. I even hate putting the worm on the hook cause i feel so bad about how much pain im inflicting on it. But ok, something hilarious happened when we first got there. Of course I was wearing a bikini and swimming trunks so as we were walking, apparently this group of like 4 15-16 year old boys were checking me out, like EXTREMELY checking me out. And of course my mom was like what the hell? oh no you dont! But that to god she didn't actually speak her mind out loud lol. But so she comes up to me and is like get over here and stay with me all mad like and im like what. Cause at first i thought she was going to tell me to pull up my shirt. She always is. But when she told me bout the boys I was like sweet! i mean, oh tisk on them! I mean, some of them were attractive and I got to admit, I don't mind someone appreciating my fine physique once in a while! ^_^. It was a nice trip though. Im glad I got to get away from things and just feel so relaxed. Oh! We also went to another place for my grandpa and sis to get better fishing action, so while we were at the Myakka Lake or whatever we ran into killer squirrels. It all started with this one little adorable squirrel. And it was coming up to lucy, so my mom laid down some chex mix for it. But as soon as those chex mix hit the ground, a whole herd of squirrels came running in! Lucy got so crazy she broke her metal chain to chase them! It was hilarious! We also saw a family of wild turkeys, wild boars, and alligators! Oh my god the alligators! One came so close to the bank where my sis and grandpa were fishing and this thing was monstrous. An easy 11-12 footer. It was huge! And it was funny too though because it was so close and then it went under water. So grandpa and amber had no idea where it was and amber's like "I'm outta here" and my grandpa's like "I ain't afraid of no alligator" but slowly you see him sneaking away from the bank. He always knows how to make me and amber laugh =). And then the car ride home, lucy got gas. And not no ordinary gas. Stinky digested hot-dog gas. It was horrible! But I love her all the same ^_^.

Things Are Going So Wrong...

Things are getting worse here. My mom, sister and I are probably going to have to move out of this house and stuff. It's just so much stress, pressure and sadness all at once. I can't take it. My head's going to explode!

My First Session Of Yoga...

I tried yoga for the first time today. It was so relaxing. And it REALLY works your body. I mean, I could keep up, unlike my mom =), but I still have a lot of work to do. I love it! You get great exercise and fitness. But it does hurt when your not really flexible, but you feel so relaxed at the same time. It's amazing. I love it! I'm going to buy me a yoga mat once i get allowance and im doing yoga every day. It's nice too because it makes you forget what's going on and just feel at ease for the moment. Things have kind of settled down. The emotions are still there but no one is showing it physically. My dad's staying with a friend right till we figure things out so it's just my mom, my sister and me. I never though it would actually come to this but it did. But wow, yoga is really great!

It's Over...

Well. I had to face him today. He came over and my parents talked. And then I had to say how I felt and what was bothering me and all. But it was so hard! He never cries but he was today. I've never seen him cry like that. But, I froze. I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I'm so angry and confused but then i'm scared. I'm scared that he'll leave and forget about me. Or he'll never come back. I don't know. It's just SO much is happening. And so I didn't say anything. But as Amber and I walked to the room I stopped. And I said, "Why would you throw everything away? You weren't even arguing! It's like you care about what your friends think more than your family!" And that was it. I ran into the room. But finally I had to go out and say goodbye. He hugged Amber and then me. And as he hugged me he said, "I'll always love you. And everything you said was true. I'm sorry. I'll try to be a better dad. I guess it just took a mistake to realize it." And then he left. That's it. I mean, I know i'll see him. But, you know? I can't describe it. I'm so hurt, angry, confused. I'll never forgive him for what he did and I'll never be able to say I trust him, but he still is my dad. I do love him. And it kills me to have even the slightest ounce of pity for him but I do. He lost everything. And I don't think he's going to get it back. But the truth is... I miss him. I miss how things used to be. You can't possibly understand what i'm feeling. I'm so crushed. Like I said before, i'm suffocating. It's all over. I don't know what to feel. I mean, what did he think would happen? He needs to know once and for all how he truly is. This house is so quiet now. Everyone's so sad. I can't even describe my mom. I can't possibly know what she feels right now. And it kills me to see her so miserable and hurt. My family will never be the same. Ever. I just, I feel so angry! I can't even describe it! I'm so confused! You have no idea! My heart is shattered into a million pieces. And that's it. I don't even know what to say anymore. I hope he knows what he did. Cause he'll never be trusted by any one of us again. He needs to earn it back. And there's a very slim chance he will. Quite frankly, I don't want to give it back.

Suffocating...

I can't take this anymore! I can't breath. Every emotion hurts. I just want things to go back to the way they were! But they never will. How could he do this to us? Why would he throw us away? And now I have no idea if he is ok. And it scares me. And then that makes me mad because I hate him and am so mad at him and feel like I never want to see him again, but I worry. I'm torn in half. I don't know what to feel. There's no where to go. That's why I went to Kyla's yesterday. I just couldn't take it. I didn't even care if my mom said no. I just left. I wanna leave so bad. I need a break. I can't deal with this. I don't know how! Please, it hurts so much. It's not like this is just a bad dream. I can't just open my eyes and it all goes away. It's a living nightmare. I want to cry ALL the time. But I can't. I need to be strong for everyone. But deep inside, I truly feel like sleeping and never waking up. I feel so useless and helpless. I can't fix this. I can't figure out a way to make it better. And i'm always the one to make it better. And I can't.

Kyla's House...

Today I woke up pretty early for what i've been waking up to. I woke up at like 8:30 or something. But then I just needed to get out of the house for a bit. So, I went straight to Kyla's. I didn't even ask. While we've been at Kyla's we've played with her two dogs, Kenai and Fauna, as well as with her cat Jade. I'm still at her house right now, lol. But I thought I'd do something a little different. We also went swimming though. It was fun. I like that it's taking my mind off of some of the things happening right now. Ok, here's Kyla! Me: (as in Kyla) hello! i miss all of u and me and ashli are having an awesome time, u should be jealous. hehehehehehe X)

Horrible...

I want my friends. I want to get away. I need a break from here. Something happened. That's all i'll say. But I am so sad. I feel horrible. I feel so angry, sad, confused and crushed all at the same time. I don't understand how one person can be so cruel and vicious. I don't get it. Why? That's my only question and it'll never be answered. Cause there is no answer. There is no excuse. There's no explanation. And these feelings will never go away. I just don't get it! Someone please. Can you put it in words i'll understand? You guys have no idea how good you probably have it. I mean after this all happened we had to go to walmart. And I saw people walking with babies and happy couples. And i'm just thinking, "Enjoy it while you can." I need someone to love me. Who won't hurt me. I feel so physically and emotionally exhausted. Why do people throw away the best things in their life? When they know there is nothing out there in the world better. And they just throw it away and take advantage of it like no big deal. Well guess what? It is! And you can't take things like that back. I swear that person better not expect me to forgive and forget. I hate them. And never want to see their face again!

Yoga...

I'm thinking about starting yoga. I know it sounds wierd but it's very relaxing and it sounds nice to let go of all the stress. Plus, yoga is a great form of exercise. I know what you're thinking, how is that possible? But yoga works every muscle in the body. Or most of them, one of those two lol. But yah. That's what i'm debating. Just felt like talking about it.

Stupid Alarm Clock...

I don't understand what's going on. Im basically kicked out of Hope now. See, if you miss more than one day you can't go back. And monday, I woke up late. Something went wrong with my alarm clock even though i know i set it. So, I was like ok? But then come today. It happened again! I just don't get it. I've never had a problem hearing my alarm clock and out of no where I can't hear it? And even if I did wake up and turn it off, I always remember if I do. I swear. Like, I'll go back to sleep but know I'm sleeping. No lie. So yah. I'm screwed and am gonna have to take Hope during some school year. And this was the last summer to take it so it's not like I can just wait until next summer. it's driving me crazy. What if it is my fault? I'm so irresponsible. I mean, Im always trying and doing my best and getting everything done that needs to be done. Doing it right the first time, keeping my personal hygiene great. Cleaning my room, organizing stuff. But it's always the easiest things that I screw up. I mean, the other day I finally got tv in my room. And not jsut normal cable, all 900 channels from DirecTV so I was like yes! So I had the tv and ate dinner. 10 minutes later, 10 MINUTES, I went to push the tv back into the wall and what happens? The entire connector hook-up gets ripped out of the back of the tv because I tripped over the cord. Im a great person and have great qualities(not to brag or anything) but I am seriously a cluts. But the alarm clock thing? I just don't get it. I can and will swear up and down 100 times more, it's not my fault. Something happened or someone else turned it off. And the worst part, I won't get to see Kyla everyday. That's what made Hope so much fun for me. I looked forward to getting to hang out and sit next to my best friend every single day of the week. And now, I can't. So I'll probably barely see her now. =(

You Don't Mess With The Zohan...

Saturday I went to the movies with my friend Nicole. We went to see the Zohan movie, obviously lol. It was hilarious! My god, i've never seen someone so dedicated to having sex, lol. I have to say though it wasn't what I expected. It was more adult-oriented lol. After that though we went and walked around the mall. We got some candy and went to wait outside. And took like lots of photos lol. Ill put some up when she emails them to me. Outside though, while we were waiting for my mom, nicole went to go take a photo and at the same time my sister poured water on my head so nicole got the photo to where I was gasping lol. It was hilarious! Ill make sure i put that one on! Well, at Hope, I started liking someone. Hes cute and funny but I kind of don't stand a chance. You see, im too afraid to walk up and say hi. I know, im a chicken. But tomorrow, that day will come when I say something! It'll be the day! ^_^

Guest Speaker...

Today was so hilarious in HOPE. We had a guest speaker come in. His name was Trevor and he was 62 or something. But anyways, he came in to talk to us all about alcoholism, because he is a recovering alcoholic. But see, he takes his soberism as a good thing and makes it fun to talk about. But this guy was so hilarious! He had so many jokes, my god. At the beginning, he was like, "See, alcohol makes you wnat to have sex more. And America is always like don't have sex kids but they make it so easy for kids to get alcohol. Quite frankly I don't see the problem. I was actually guite grateful. Ever heard of a thing called viagra?" ^_^ Of course he meant it as a joke. It was so funny though. And at another time this girl kept not understanding what he was saying so he would out his hand on his face and look so dumbfounded. He also talked about how the toilet is what he calls the big white phone. He thinks its crazyu how people are trying to talk to god while peuking from being drunk cause they're always like "Oh god! Make it stop!" Toilet ain't gonna get you there! ^_^ It was SO hilarious. You had to be there, lol. He was also like, "Now kids, im telling you now, never drive intoxicated! Ever! I mean a normal person driving down the high way is all Hey how are you! Nothing to see here! when passing a cop but then a drunk person would be like, &#@* You! It was so hilarious! I know i've said that like ten times but I mean it! Hahaha. Mr. Trevor Rocks!

Sisters...

You can't live with them, can't live under the same roof, lol. My sister and I got in a HUGE fight today. She was mad, I was mad. Finally, I just had it. Im tired of being picked on and pushed around. So I grabbed a glass of water sitting on the counter and I threw it at her. As in I poured the water all over her, but more violently, lol. And so she ran out and grabbed a water bottle and poured the entire thing on me. So we were throwing water all over the house! Everything was soaked! So we made our way to the kitchen and I grabbed the sink sprayer and I sprayed her like there was no tomorrow. Im tired of her thinking she can push me around and do whatever the heck she wants. Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. Of course my mom was outside mowing the lawn and came in, so you can imagine how ticked she was. I ran to my room and locked the door, but it was pretty obvious where I was lol.

HOPE...

Hope started monday. Its pretty cool. I have to get u p at 6 in the morning every single day though, but whatever. Coach Mac kind of scares me a bit because he's so open with what he talks about. And I feel like such a nerd! There are seniors at NPHS who didnt even know what stereotype was or how to spell it. Coach Mac even had to spell out verbal. VERBAL! My god! It's just, I love school, so much. I love learning and im very smart too, but there are people here that just have no clue of anything. But ill just have to deal with it. The lunch is... gross, lol. The macaroni and cheese today literally smelled toxic, so I skipped a meal ^_^.

Mudslide...

Yesterday was so much fun! Kyla came over to my house for the day and we came up with some pretty sweet ideas lol. Well, first we watched RV and played Guitar Hero for a bit. That was ok. But then we decided to ride down to the bridge. Its this place where I hang out with all of my friends. There's a creek under it and all so its actually pretty too. Well, we decided to climb on top of the bridge, and there's only a fence for a roof. Wierd, i know =). Well, so we wanted to climb across the birdge on top of it. So of course by the time we were done, we couldnt feel our butts. They were comppletely numb lol. But midway across we stopped to give our butts a rest, lol, and this old man on a motorcycle comes. So im like getting on the bar so he wont stare at my butt, but he wouldnt cross. He sat there at the end. And so im like, "What the hell is he doing?" and he turns his bike and stares at us. And of course me and Kyla are in bikinis with EXTREMELY short shorts on lol. So im like, "Uh, i dont think so" lol. It was hilarious! And so we got back to the house and went on a Slip-N-Slide. It was so much fun. We kept flying off the end because we were sliding so fast. ^_^. And then we started spraying eachother with the house. But after like 3 hours, lol, it got a bit boring so we started to tan. And then Kyla came up with a BRILLIANT idea... MUDSLIDE!! We took a bucket and filled it with sand, added a little bit of water and presto, mud! We coverd the slip-n-slide with it. It was so much fun! Then we got into this huge mud fight!!! It was hilarious! I have pictures ^_^.