It's Over...

Well. I had to face him today. He came over and my parents talked. And then I had to say how I felt and what was bothering me and all. But it was so hard! He never cries but he was today. I've never seen him cry like that. But, I froze. I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I'm so angry and confused but then i'm scared. I'm scared that he'll leave and forget about me. Or he'll never come back. I don't know. It's just SO much is happening. And so I didn't say anything. But as Amber and I walked to the room I stopped. And I said, "Why would you throw everything away? You weren't even arguing! It's like you care about what your friends think more than your family!" And that was it. I ran into the room. But finally I had to go out and say goodbye. He hugged Amber and then me. And as he hugged me he said, "I'll always love you. And everything you said was true. I'm sorry. I'll try to be a better dad. I guess it just took a mistake to realize it." And then he left. That's it. I mean, I know i'll see him. But, you know? I can't describe it. I'm so hurt, angry, confused. I'll never forgive him for what he did and I'll never be able to say I trust him, but he still is my dad. I do love him. And it kills me to have even the slightest ounce of pity for him but I do. He lost everything. And I don't think he's going to get it back. But the truth is... I miss him. I miss how things used to be. You can't possibly understand what i'm feeling. I'm so crushed. Like I said before, i'm suffocating. It's all over. I don't know what to feel. I mean, what did he think would happen? He needs to know once and for all how he truly is. This house is so quiet now. Everyone's so sad. I can't even describe my mom. I can't possibly know what she feels right now. And it kills me to see her so miserable and hurt. My family will never be the same. Ever. I just, I feel so angry! I can't even describe it! I'm so confused! You have no idea! My heart is shattered into a million pieces. And that's it. I don't even know what to say anymore. I hope he knows what he did. Cause he'll never be trusted by any one of us again. He needs to earn it back. And there's a very slim chance he will. Quite frankly, I don't want to give it back.