Suffocating...

I can't take this anymore! I can't breath. Every emotion hurts. I just want things to go back to the way they were! But they never will. How could he do this to us? Why would he throw us away? And now I have no idea if he is ok. And it scares me. And then that makes me mad because I hate him and am so mad at him and feel like I never want to see him again, but I worry. I'm torn in half. I don't know what to feel. There's no where to go. That's why I went to Kyla's yesterday. I just couldn't take it. I didn't even care if my mom said no. I just left. I wanna leave so bad. I need a break. I can't deal with this. I don't know how! Please, it hurts so much. It's not like this is just a bad dream. I can't just open my eyes and it all goes away. It's a living nightmare. I want to cry ALL the time. But I can't. I need to be strong for everyone. But deep inside, I truly feel like sleeping and never waking up. I feel so useless and helpless. I can't fix this. I can't figure out a way to make it better. And i'm always the one to make it better. And I can't.