Ugh The Stress Is Too Much...

Well, i guess nothing really horrible has happened. just painful realizations. My mom and dad started arguing really bad, and i cant explain it. i just realized how much well never be happy. how many fake smiles everyone makes every day. i feel so trapped. this isnt a family. ive seen so much in my life already, things that no one should ever have to see. and for life to go on with all this pain and heartache and loneliness, what kind of a life is that? its not one. i just, i dont know. i dont know what i want. i dont know where to go. i wish i did but i dont. i just, i want to be loved. i want to know what it feels like to belong. its so aggravating. everything is aggravating. the way i see it is, of course i have this biological family, but my friends are my real family. theyre the ones that are always there. and then, what hurts me the most, is everyday my mom will break down and start crying out of nowhere and all the time she says how no one cares about her and shes all alone and she hates her life. and it just hurts so much because she has no idea how much i love her. i would kill myself if i didnt have her, i honestly would. i love her so much, and for her to say that, its just like saying i mean nothing. of course i know shes under a lot of stress and shes just venting her emotions and is in a lot of pain emotionally, but still. i cant help how i feel either. i just, im sick of it all. my family will never be happy ever. i feel trapped. trapped in this family, in this home, in this life.